Saddest Baby Story

    I had a Tubal Ligation in 2004, it has been seven years. I was not supposed to have any more children. Imagine my surprise when on July fourth of this year I found out that I was expecting! Not far enough along yet to feel a nudge inside my womb, nor see a baby bump on my belly. What had prompted me to take that first pregnancy test? Honestly I have no idea. Dotchi and I were visiting in her living room on the fourth and I suddenly looked at her and said "I need to take a pregnancy test". We were giggling about it later at my house while waiting for the test to read negative. After all my tubes are tied no more babies for me. To both of our surprise the test was positive; however the line was very faint so we ran to the store and bought two more tests. I took one immediately the second I would save until the morning... Just to be sure. The second test was also positive, as was the third that I took the next morning. I went to my doctors office and asked that they give me a test and explained the previous twenty-four hours. When the test at the doctors office came back positive I was elated! My boyfriend and I had been discussing adoption but even better then that we were going to have a baby of our very own!

    I was informed that because of my tubal ligation I was at an increased risk of having a tubal pregnancy. This information was a little disconcerting but when the surgery was performed I was informed of this so I was not caught unaware. I tried my best not to get overly excited about the pregnancy. I cried several times while waiting for test results and I prayed that everything would be okay and we would be able to bring this child in to the world.

    My doctor wanted to run HCG test every two days to make sure everything was going alright with my pregnancy. My first level came back as 222, I breathed a little easier it was a good level. The second test two days later came back as 438. Now I was getting excited the numbers had doubled. My doctor told me this was a good sign and it pointed towards a uterine pregnancy! We were all so ecstatic! My boyfriend and I started discussing what we wanted to name our baby. I knew it was early to be thinking about that but we could not help ourselves. He wanted to find a boy name and a girl name that meant miracle that is what the baby was for us, our own little miracle. I agreed that would be perfect.

    My next test was on a Saturday my levels had gone up, but had not doubled I was at seven hundred something. The doctor was concerned, but told me not to worry it was still a normal reading. My next blood draw was on Monday. Tuesday morning I got a phone call. My numbers had gone up again but still had not doubled. I was only at eleven hundred and something. My doctor wanted me to go in for an ultrasound. I said no but because of my elevated risk for having a tubal pregnancy she insisted that I go. I finally agreed even though I felt I was not far enough along to be able to see the baby inside my womb. After all I was only three to four weeks pregnant. My HCG levels were high enough that the doctor felt we would be able to see some kind of indication where the baby was developing.

    I checked in at the front desk and went back for my ultrasound. Scared and alone not wanting to cry but being totally unnerved by the doctors’ urgency, I handed my paper work to the lady behind the desk of the radiology department. She called the ultrasound tech in to the office area and explained why I was there. He asked her questions about how far along I was and why we were doing the test when I was at such an early stage in my pregnancy. I tried to answer the questions as well as I could with her assistance. The tech opened the door for me and took me in to the back where I changed and then I went in to the room where I would have the ultrasound done.

    I sat on the bed where the ultrasound would be done and listened to the tech explain things to me and answered more questions from him. He asked where my pain was. I told him I didn’t have any pain. He asked if I was more uncomfortable on the left side or the right side. I told him I was fine, no pain no discomfort. He asked why I was there again. I put it as simply as I know how… I was there because I had a tubal ligation seven years prior and my HCG levels were not going up fast enough to suit my Dr.

    Later that night I started cramping, it hurt to press on my left side the slightest pressure made me want to scream, and to top it all off I started spotting. I thought oh God here we go they were right it’s a tubal pregnancy. I cried and prayed and then cried some more. The next morning the pain was a little better I still hurt but the spotting was not as bad. By Thursday morning it was still tender I was still cramping and spotting but I had convinced myself everything would be okay. I went to my doctor appointment and discussed my concerns. The spotting was not concerning to the doctor given how far along I was. She said not to worry that it was only bad if I started bleeding. The cramping did not worry here to badly she just told me to take it easy. And as far as the pain after the ultrasound went she said she would talk to the tech and that it should continue to subside. I got my lab work and went home feeling much better and thinking this is going to work after all, it really is going to be okay!

    I left the doctor office at 4:30, by six o’clock the pain was back with a vengeance. I was cramping and felt sick to my stomach. The final blow came when I went to the bathroom, I was bleeding and it was bright red. I asked my dear friend Dotchi to take me to Kalispell to go to the emergency room we left within a half hour. By eight thirty I was checked in to the Emergency Room of the Kalispell Regional Medical Center. The doctor came in and talked to me, asked for various tests, and then had the nurse start an IV. Eventually I went for an ultrasound, and again they found nothing. The only blessing was this ultrasound did not hurt. I went back to my room when the doctor came in he told me my HCG level had fallen to 261. I was having a miscarriage, there was nothing they could do to stop it, my baby was already gone. More concerning to him was the fact that my left ovary was enlarged and surrounded by fluid. All I was worried about was the fact that I had lost my baby, I wanted to go home. The doctor and I argued about it for a few minutes and finally he agreed to let me leave AMA. (Against Medical Advice)

    I did not have a tubal pregnancy; I know this because fifteen minutes after leaving the hospital I passed the fetus that would have been my baby. I am not sure what is worse: not knowing if I was going to be able to carry my baby, or knowing that I could have and then losing the child that was so wanted, loved, and prayed for.

    I wanted to tell my story. I was hoping it would help me feel better about the loss of our precious child. I also wanted to thank all of my very close and dear friends who helped and are helping me get through this. Especially Dotchi who not only took care of me and my two children when things took a turn for the worst, but was there to hold my hand and cry with me through the worst. Sky for always having a waiting hug, a shoulder to cry on, and being willing to listen while I sob.  And Stephany for giving me courage to fight my battles and helping me find my voice.  You are all an inspiration to me and I could not make it through any of this without you. I love you all. Also our heart felt thanks to all of you around Libby who held us in your hearts and prayers through out this whole ordeal.